Today I spent walking around Squirrel Hill where supposedly our new life will be for this upcoming year. Yesterday, I visited the Jewish Community Center, where Ivry will be registered in the early childhood program. Today I visited four apartments -two which were on my unfavorable list. One with a lot of pre-world war two charm (not price), the other - a bit steep but fits the locality like the other.
All this is very good considering for the time being that we are still in Westbeth, NYC. We don't pay rent, or food. We are in a comfort zone. There is no decision yet to be made. But yikes! Here we come. We are slowly getting out of a comfort zone, beginning anew. Again. The thought of it is rather scary.
We like and miss our niches, our quiet, our lifestyles on the kibbutz back home.
Luckily, Squirrel Hill is full of good people, which is one of the reasons why we chose it. A nice rabbi hooked me up with a host family for two nights, who are originally from Mexico and they speak Hebrew!
I spent the first hour crying in front of Ivry's new teacher, in front of the early childhood director, in front of this host family and today again in front of the career development lady. But with her, the tears were smaller.
Today, I spent a good part of the humid day walking around knowing the streets. I know where Barlett street is in relation to Murray street and a few others. That's an accomplishment. I was also able to visit the Jewish Family Services , which helps new immigrants like Haim and me as well, and gives him a push to find a job while helps market him to find a job.
I'm still scared, but not half so much as yesterday. As Elan my brother would say in Hebrew: "Katan Elayich, it's not such a big deal!" For for me, it IS a big deal. But that does not change anything. I'm still scared.
I especially have to shovel out all my fear and muster up faith to know we can succeed and begin again... this time on the other side of the ocean.
And then there is the moment of here and now that says, "yes, I can do it, no problem."