Thursday Thirteen April 17.2008

Thirteen Things that Happened at 3:00 in the Morning

One would think that calming my three year old son with his nightmarish fits at 3:00 o'clock would purport me to sleep. But that wasn't the case. now, I'm wide awake as if I'm ready to tackle the day.

1. I calmed Ivry down and he finally fell asleep on our bed
2. I went to the bathroom and tried to fall asleep
3. I tossed and truned and focused on the air-conditioning sound at the apartment above me
4. I hugged my son and saw he had fallen asleep
5. My brain started thinking
6. My stomach started hurting
7. I went to the bathroom again
8. I began to feel homesick for my four walled kibbutz apartment
9. I thought about my progress with my writing endeavors including that of my book, our impending visit to NYC to see my mom, and unfinished Passover tasks
10. I hugged my pillow
11. I hugged my son
12. I tried meditating
13. I came to the computer... and here I am!

I like to have a full 7 -8 hours sleep. Wonder what happened today? There's a lot of stress I'm feeling lately - that I know for sure. Stress with revising the book, finding enough freelance writing gigs if I make that decision to branch over to freelance writing and finding a day job. But then there are the triggers to all that stress.

Deep inside, I know where the anxiety is also coming from: I think I'd be better off knowing I've released the feelings of doubts and uncertainty. Is this just me? Is anybody else feeling this way at times.... Any thoughts?

Happy TT

Thursday Thirteen - Things That Keep Me Going

Okay, okay - I'm way way behind on posting this and didn't think I would post, if at all today. But there is a need to be social...

1. Anne Lammot is coming to Pittsburgh! On Saturday! I need somebody to help me learn how to speak the faith language. Is it - 1800-faith-ful?

2. My Book . Shh, don't talk about it too much but, I think I am going to be able to email my editor the book proposal and the two samples chapters... dare I say, tomorrow!!, which is the culprit reason for slaving these past six months, hiding behind stacks in the research library, forgetting I'm a mom, working into the night taking it 'bird by bird'. I will ring out the the red carpet once I know it's been emailed, but for now I am praying these two editors will return my queries. *but I'm still checking my email at least three times an hour - god help me*

3. The need to be more patient. It comes with no surprise that I am not a patient person. So I am learning.

4. The weekend, or what's really left of it. Sometimes there is one, right now I feel there isn't.

5. Time to catch up with friends/brother (San Diego) on the weekend. I have an old childhood friend who I adore. She lives in new Mexico. We're to speak this weekend.

6. Time to write Children's fiction. I have a chapter book in progress.

7. Just plain Internet surfing and blogging, without being distracted all the time.

8. Peace and Quiet.

9. Looking forward to a new day and all its possibilities (i.e. looking for freelance work, networking, reading and writing something new)

10. The priceless feeling of living in gratefulness. I try to keep Shabbat cozy and low-key, but I become selfish again very soon, and want to go back to my writing. Oh, what can I do? I told you I was nerdy.

11. A sunny sunny day. What I would do for a sunny day in Pittsburgh - for ten days it's been cloudy, rainy, snowy, hazy, flurry,... everything but bloody sunny. I miss my Israeli climate. Yikes!

12. A trip to the Internet cafe... Here, get the irony of this... there are three just a few blocks away but I cannot seem to focus there.. too much incessant talking in invariably half a dozen languages... so it's just another escape route. I rarely get stuff done.

13. Quality time with my son. Hopefully, he'll know he's the icing on my cake even with all the doubt and uncertainty and fear that are popping up all the time in my life.

14. (Bonus) - my writing group! *waving hands* They rock!

Happy Thirteen - y'all!

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Good and Important Things that Happened this Week ....

1. I am making deliberate daily progress with the book project. I don't compromise writing daily, and I don't give up even though during the last few weeks I almost felt I wanted to.

2. I am revising a PB "To the Right of the Bridge" and I finally got a chance to revise it and read it aloud to my writing group.

3. I am finding time to be more social ... mainly virtually but hopefully also offline as well.

4. Isn't it time to start becoming more conscious of your goals? I'm finding it hard to visualize mine so I am working on first visualizing myself producing a list which hopefully will help me start somewhere.

5. Ivry had a beautiful Chanukah party at the JCC. The cards I prepared were lovely. I'm glad I found the right words to top off the Chanukah moment - hello Hallmark! I've posted a short video of it and a few pictures to go along.

6. I got an email today inquiring if I was interested in a part-time teaching job at Point Park University.

7. Haim and I are spending more quality time together. He really gives me the support and piece of mind I need in order to write.

8. I am becoming more conscious of how I sit, use my body especially in long sitting positions. Hello again to Yoga.

9. My old high school friend gave birth to a baby girl. I'm looking forward to pictures.

10. Haim's employers are happy with his work.

11. I am visiting and leaving comments on some really nice blogs. There are a lot of talented writers out there.

12. I am finding realizing that it pays to become part of a community of children's writers. I wish I had enough funds for a SCWBI membership... *sigh* maybe next year.

13. I try to do something good for somebody.. whether it's giving flowers, sending an e-card, complimenting the librarian for her fine work or my mother's home attendant.

Bonus: Ivry just loves the stories I brought him from the library. My latest childhood favorite is Caps for Sale.

What good things happened (or are happening) to you this week?

Have a good TT!

Thursday Thirteen - Amazing Snow Things

See my previous post on the snow's first impression. This is simply an addition to the list. My the week has flown by fast. What a beautiful sunny day. Happy TT Everyone!

1. Icicles on metal
2. Watching Ivry make a snowball
3. Finding a fresh snowy path
4. Memories
5. The tired slumber one feels racing to drink a cup of cocoa after trudging through a pile of snow.
6. Reading lots of books and finding amazing images to shoot in the snow realizing they've probably been photographed already.
7. Reading "Froggy Gets Dressed" to Ivry
8. Watching Ivry try and eat the snow
9. Watching this cute website sent by a friend. You'll like it. Guaranteed!
10. Praying
11. Watching the Chanukah lights die low
12. Pretending I'm a child again making snow angels
13. Waiting for Haim to come home so we can share our little 'snow tales'

Happy TT!

Thursday Thirteen - The Smaller But Important Things

Hopefully, I’ll be up to date with this post. Keeping a schedule of course, is another thing. Here goes:

I see the signs of modern life taking its toil everywhere: the fast and junk food, self-help groups, commercials for prescribed medications,.

Then there is the loneliness described by the faces of anxious and tired women: waiting on or for customers, talking at bus stops, some trying to make conversation. Or closed off from the (working) world, listening to itunes, ipods, whatever. I never knew how lonely it all could be – until now – and especially as a mom.

As adults, we get sucked in by our own thoughts. Almost like furnishing or designing a room – before the wallpaper, there’s the blue print – the rawness of emotion and love, not only with others but within yourself.

The small things in life are indeed free. I’m grateful to have come across most of these in my short lifetime.

Consider these options as useful practices in your daily creative life, as you create the residual yearning of mental, emotional, spiritual and social growth.

1. Write about it. Every so often, I’ll goad the pen (or computer) and dip into time. My characters provide me with the love. I just write about them. It all takes time since writing is also a process of maturity and maturation. Since fiction is lifting characters of my family and friends does not merely mean require writing about them , I wait until they give the love back to me. And they do; For this reason alone, I truly find the creative process therapeutic.

2. Finding the comfort in my husband and son. I spend many hours of the day alone. Writing. Sometimes I enter blank and dark and dusty and unfamiliar corners. I need to share. My husband and child are always there for me. A loving home provides a foundation. (can’t remember – must be from a quote??)

3. Looking through photo albums

4. Playing old videos and tapes. Recently I uncovered some of my mom’s old piano music. Since her Alzheimer’s, she hasn’t been able to play a single note, but the mazurkas remind me of those old ballerina dances when I twirled in front of a full length mirror.

5. Smiling at people – complete strangers. I’m not a smiley person. I keep everything hidden. Very well. However, I’m turning outward. Pittsburghians are a friendly bunch and it’s not hard to practice smiling. On them. NYC – forget it. Well, maybe not.

6. Call up an old friend or family member. Or send a beautiful Jacqui Lawson card. When I came back to the States after my 18 year hiatus from Israel (I visited Israel every few years or so), I immediately got back in touch with a few old friends I had not spoken to in years reminding me why I cared or respected them.

7. Visiting special places that have meaning of significance. For me two summers ago, this meant visiting my Dad’s old art studio atop one of the roofs where I grew up in Greenwich Village, Manhattan, USA. Out of eagerness and desperation to see what was still there after twenty years, I finally got the maintenance supervisor to open it only to find it full of shambles but the rusty ol’ chock-full-of nuts cans of bolts and screws were still there – as if they hadn’t left its twenty year positions.

8. Going through baby books. Reading the words of love. Finding the love and connection all over again. It’s a very meaningful experience.

9. Reading old books – especially children’s.

10. Say old jokes, songs, anecdotes, stories you remember as a child. The things I would do when I babysat years ago, I now do with my son. Coming full circle.

11. Listening to old albums (I still have an old 1970’s stereo system in my mom’s apartment)

12. Help an elderly or frail person – volunteering. (I plan to do this soon)

13. Love thy neighbor….write in your journal… exercise… whatever it takes to find the love again.

HAPPY TT EVERYONE!!

Birthday Wishes - A Very late Thursday Thirteen

Pre-Halloween Reading

Hey, where's my mommy?

It's cool being King!








I'm tired from trick or treating.









Who says Thursday Thirteen can't be a Sunday Thirteen? I have been hibernatin' again, this time beneath the sodden last few unpacked boxes of stuff...like finding the story I have been needing to write or to claim the words and choose them wisely.

Crossing oceans is like making sense of the water, the waves and ... the words that I write. Behind words of course, are thoughts and bundles beneath them are habits stringed through many many years.

I think rushed, try to write in between dishes, laundry, clutter. I need my peace, quiet, sanity. I want to devote myself utterly to this writing project; it symbolizes all that I have become and all I want to be.

My birthday comes on November 10th - a Saturday. I will make a cake from the mix we received from the Squirrel Hill Food Pantry. I have a few birthday wishes I would like to make for myself and my family in order to beat the clock. :)

1. To live a sense of fulness, harmony and balance.
2. To see the bigger vision of writing, not just writing for the day.
3. To have the vision to break certain habits of thought like impulsiveness which seep into my writing, synchronicities of the moments, relationships.
4. To get a contract with a publisher for the book project I am currently writing for my sabbatical.
5. To be able to claim my writing in both its form, art and money. Sticking to a plan of what to write is better than not.
6. To claim my spirituality - practice it gratefully, open to it indulgently.
7. To be a full mommy. Ivry is a very special little boy and he is growing so beautifully.
8. To make more women friends.
9. To develop more of my passions that I have left on the shelf since early adulthood.
10. To hopefully become a better blogger.
11. To enjoy the writing of my sabbatical and enjoy the writing process rather than finding the answers
12. I wish for an career path that will bring me together with the values, goals, ambitions that I am looking for.
13. To live less a life of 'ifs' and more a life of 'here and now' and 'yes!"

Bonus: To always live a life less full than planned {and learn how to catch the moment} so as to leave room for the journey to completeness. (a cup half empty is better than cup that is too full)

Have a great Sunday!

Thursday Thirteen #5 - Hibernation

Well, here I am - doing it all over again at another Thursday Thirteen. I haven't posted much in the last week - the reason? Hibernation. The ideas have been percolating. Well, that's a lame excuse. So, I'll spare you the other if's and why's, although you'll find I'm greatly amused by some.

So let's get it on...since I'm rather late posting this up.

1. I've been observing a lot. Walking around. A lot. All over Squirrel Hill. And taking buses. It's a great place to walk and it's not misty or freezing cold so I don't feel chilled all over again. When you feel you've come to a rusty spot at night or during the day or in your mind, walk. It helps wonders.

2. Trying to reconnect with family and friends, finding it's easier said than done. The culture of voice mail. Woa is me! I think my name is all over the place. Where is everybody??

3. Getting into the fall swing of things. My-my. Halloween is just everywhere I go - from crisp fall collages on doors' to strange icy looking faces to make that superstitious eye again.

4. I've been hittin' the library. Seriously, I'm mad about the Squirrel Hill library. When I can't escape the mind of my ideas, I swamp and vegetate over a book or better yet, there's a book fair this weekend, anybody?

5. We've been digging up dinosaur bones at the Pittsburgh Museum. Walking through Schenley Park. Watching birds in the sky. I know I'm on a sabbatical but it's also fun to be a mom. Especially in the evening when Ivry comes from the JCC. He's hold his little black spider and says, "Mommy, food!" So I know I'm there for him. It pares or rather balances the hours in front of a screen.

6. Exploring Pittsburgh. Beside the Steelers, we need to know and explore the other areas. So we did that today giving me a much needed respite from the computer to put things in perspective. We went to Shadyside to pick up Haim's check (yay!) and then via Penn Avenue down to the Strip district to pick up some wholesome small bag of wheat, hummus, (we miss Osem from back home, but this one was pretty flavorful), a homemade bottle of olive oil, some dried peaches and mangoes, bread, did I mention hummus? (Israelis says 'hoomoos'... I'm telling you the flavor is in the pronunciation!) We also purchased a new cell at the AT and T place in the most desolate and abandoned looking street. Making our way downtown doing some banking stuff before heading back to Squirrel Hill. Pittsburgh's districts are so regional and so close in proximity. So different than NYC .. but I digress.

7. Finding time to be with Hubbie. Need I say more?

8. Doing some reflecting. And researching about second careers. The career counselor gave me some homework to do.. Again, more voice calls. My name's everywhere.

9. Finding time to exercise.. I'm taking yoga twice a week at the JCC. It's about time. Nothing like yoga to help start a mindful, peaceful day.

10. Attending a writing group twice a week and an Israeli's women's group once a month.

11. Talking to strangers. The nice lady downstairs misses her granddaughter and surprised Ivry with a stuffed toy pumpkin with a happy face. I yelped secretly in glee. Ivry responded to her by saying he was going to call his uncle Elan. (He lives out in San Diego) She didn't understand him as he said half of the sentence in Hebrew, but we both ended up introducing ourselves which struck a very short but nice chat.

12. Finding my American side. This is both confusing and interesting. It's weird too. I haven't been able to find the right hide so I'm hibernating until I find the right insides. But no thanks, no junk food, especially Wendy's or McDonald's for me. Ick. Don't know how people live on that stuff.

13. Finding my spiritual side. Every Friday night, I debate whether to go shul shopping. So far, I've attended only one shul. But I have my eye on another... and another... just keep hopping.

Happy TT Everybody!

Thursday Thirteen #4

Thirteen Explanations behind my son's name: "Ivry David"

I think it's high time I got to some serious explanations - especially about my son and his name. I have yet to hear a name like his in Israel let alone in the Diaspora. So, here's a few for starters...

1. David is after my husband's late father who died of a stroke in 1991. He was a charismatic man, very intelligent and worked for the Israel intelligence - the Mossad; it's sad he is in heaven and can't see this adorable little gingy. Haim misses him so.

2. When I returned to work after maternity leave, my students asked me the name of our son and I replied: "Ivry" - their response: "Oh, like Ivry Lider." Many youngsters (my former students) in Israel know of Ivry Lider as the gay musician who is the leading musical voice of this pop's generation, but, many people of our generation in Israel know of a special man named David Ivry. In my opinion, he is the one who should be running the Israeli government. Aside from acting as the Israeli ambassador, he also was the ninth commander of the Israeli air force during the Persian Gulf War. You can read all about him here.

3. Ivry - in Biblical Hebrew, Ivry means 'the first'. - HaIvri.

4. I just love the sound of Ivry. Especially when he was in my tummy. It was just one of those names that had to be. When my husband suggested it, I knew it was a special match.

5. Ivry has the special blend of 'ivory' and 'eve' - two of my favorite words from the English language.

6. We wanted to have an original name; at the time there were two many 'Tomers,' 'Eyals,' and 'Alons' for us to even consider.

7. From a numerological point of view, Ivry has two syllables 'Iv - ry'. This is of special importance when a numerologist at his birth, pronounced his number of 7. She said that great things are in store for him.

8. Back to our David Ivry - he holds special relevance to our name choice as he is Israel's hero, but he is modest. No blog or web site promotion for him. This is how in essence we want our son to grow up. Do the important things for the good of humanity but, from the side drop without any fanfare.

9. Initially, I had wanted to call our munchkin 'David' - so we got the best of both worlds.

10. Since he is the first son - it is appropriate to have something of 'first' nature - thus the Biblical explanation of 'HaIvri.'

11. David the king - was a gingy like our Ivry. Well, not exactly the main reason behind his name choice, but a side bit of information.

12. From the minute I looked at the sonogram, I knew ... Ivry it is!

13. It's simply an enchanting name!

Happy TT!

Thursday Thirteen #3 - Reminders

Oh my god! I forgot it was Thursday already! Boy, the week passes by so quickly. For those of you who are just learning, this Thursday Thursday is the second of my journey in America. After nineteen years of living in Israel, I've decided to take a year off to try something new. As a bilingual and dual citizen, I take great pride living in both countries. Anyhow...

There are those things that remind me I am in America.

1. The sweet smell of grass, the intentional business of God. It reminds me of laziness, summer camps, hikes in the woods pretending to be Indians, lazy Sundays, picking Queen Ann's Lace in Virginia and a dozen of more other things.

2. Watching Squirrels running across the street.

3. Having 24 access to supermarkets, drugstores, etc and being able to buy whatever I need without having to worry of course the astronomical prices that Israel market is infamous for.

4. Libraries, libraries, libraries! I cannot stress this enough - When a state, country, county what have you does not take stock and pride in its library, that is the ultimate confirmation that something's utterly wrong. How can literacy levels be expected to go up if people irrespective of incomes do not have access to books. The Squirrel Hill Library in Pittsburgh is such a user friendly place. I'm so happy to work here.

5. Wonderful access to the city's Parks - Frick and Schenely Parks to name a few.

6. The fact that there is a 2 day weekend, that for 19 years I had forgotten about and it makes a world of difference in terms of the work week.

7. The 'have a nice day' and 'thank you very much' that Israeli smirk over, is actually a very nice (and important ) ritual. Maybe it is a filler or a distraction, but when you don't have immediate family in the place you live like me, this makes a world of difference in your feeling of well-being. Plus people in Pittsburgh are so nice! It's true what people say about Pittsburghians.

8. It's the little things that help you get by. The fact that your groceries are bagged here in America. I appreciate and like that very much.

9. The American holidays. I miss Thanksgiving and Halloween so much. i love watching the pumpkins glow in the dark and kids yelling: "trick or treat!" It reminds me of the days in Westbeth when we would spread shaving cream on the banisters and my mom (god bless her soul) would tape a pencilled 'take one' sign pointing to a box of Branches' candy corn boxes which we would find strewn all over the hallway before taking off to the famous Ralph Lee's Greenwich Village parade, which was so incredibly popular in the seventies. I am so happy that you can read now all about it in Wikipedia.It gives me such pride as I was a part of it.

10. The Foliage Season that is the beauty of New England. A year ago I pronounced to my husband Haim that I want to see myself walking through a farm or a hill with the true foliage season. I still have time to experience that after 19 years of being on the other side of the Atlantic ocean.

11.The mass amounts of language and cultures all in one nation.

12. The ability to take a plane, train, car anywhere and experience oceans, trails, mountains and fresh water ponds and lakes - the best this country has to offer. The same goes for hoping on back to visit NYC!

And one bonus: the mass amounts of free workshops, services and programs that libraries, community centers and other resources provide. I think this is extremely important. Don't you?

So, what do you take pride in? What journeys do you see yourself planning? What 'does it' for you?

Happy TT!

Thursday Thirteen #2

What Being a New Immigrant (and Jewish) in Squirrel Hill, Pittsburgh has Taught Me

Here is my first Thursday Thirteen from Pittsburgh. I hope it will be a new beginning!

Eating in a rainy succa, shaking my son's newspaper-made lulav, finding the way along broken sidewalks to spend our first Succot are all part of my unexpected adventures. But really they mean something more than just finding my way in an unknown territory. Every bit of experience is part of a whole.

1. The importance of hesed - 'giving'. As a new immigrant (American) living in Pittsburgh I am learning the importance of community. Often I feel alone, but when your community gives to you, you can feel the spiritual and emotional comfort knowing you're not alone.

2. The feeling of togetherness - Beyond the Jewish symbolism, my own personal succa is a Diasporatic recipe for overcoming the unexpected.

3. Honoring my parents. I may choose to feel resentment, but on Hol Hamoed, I choose to feel an inner sense of peace and gratitude for the secret inner love and support even if they didn't know how to show it and even if I am miles away from home.

4. A Jewish home. Even if we don't have a suca, we are able to light the candles, feel the love and find a connection in our prayers, our rituals, our love as family.

5. Lighting the candles. Being in a diaspora after living many years in Israel, I sometimes feel I am in the dark, but my heart has not hardened into something non-earthy and Jewishy.

6. Taking it One Day (or step)at a Time. Each day brings new and unfamiliar experiences. No matter how bad my day is, I will always have a family to go to for Friday dinner, I will always have somebody to talk to, I won't ever be alone. Feeling alone is one thing, being alone is another.

7. The importance of Offline Groups. I joined my first children and adult non-fiction writing group in Pittsburgh earlier this week. I gave feedback to two writers whose work I have never heard, and the feeling was good.

8. The importance of thinking good thoughts. Need I say more?

9. To do the same things I would do back home. I may be miles away from home, but this doesn't mean I can't do the same spiritual, emotional , social activities. They'll just be different. (Oh, that reminds me - I need to call my spiritual teacher)

10. I am slowly finding my niche as a woman. There is a Jewish community in Squirrel Hill, and then there's the Jewish women's community. I realized this when I joined the [Israeli] women's group in Pittsburgh last week. Before I'm a mom, I'm a woman. Actually, I'm a girl/daughter, adolescent, young adult, wife, mommy - all in that order. Welcome to the cycle of life.

11. The importance of blogging. I am steadily climbing to the blogging world - though I'm far from it. I still have reservations in my heart when talking to people. Deep down, I'm a fiercely private person and feel much safer when writing. I've angled with the beast of emotion. Frankly, there are many safe bloggers that I would one day like to meet, but for now, it's just a matter of feeling comfortable with the 'blogging voice' which is so very different.

12. Finding a spot of nature. I can feel really connected to my spiritual, intellectual and emotional nature when I'm surrounded by a nice plot of land. Hopefully, when my ankle god willing heals, I'll make my way to one of those nice trails out on Frick park. But for now, I just need to find my way.

Happy TT! May it be as glorious as you make it to be!